People ‘survive’ on dreams hoping some day their dreams will get fulfilled, why not by any means. We live with pleasant fantasy of dreams, wishes, wants knowing although there is least(always?) chance of getting them fulfilled. They motivate, encourage us. Actually, man finds all his dreams, wishes, wants (which are least likely to happen in his real life) and other desires fulfilled in dreams, imaginations and it makes him thus somewhat ‘content’ and solaced. Let’s think now, it would have been almost ‘impossible’ to live a life if man was not blessed with the dreams at night.
I, too, lived on dreams. But, very unfortunately, they are shattered now. Who shattered it? how? Who knows…Had I been known to it, they would not have got shattered. Then, fate did it? I know not. Some say, life is already decided or destined and I would reply them: the fate could be challenged with a greater scale of conviction and determination…
Alas! I myself have found my life on the verge of collapse now.
She was an encouraging factor gradually preventing me from having such macabre and disappointing thoughts. I would have never gone to meet her were I not determined to marry her. But, all went off the track. Was I really going against the grain (that’s why my wish never fulfilled?) by being intimate to her? Sometimes, very rarely though ,I keep hope (very faint) that she someday will read my feelings and have some sympathy about my smothered dreams.
I flunked 6th semester, another stimulant added to my growing frustration and inferiority complex. I was absent in some practical examinations. Dad understood me, but Dinesh dai went ‘violent’. I had to face his angry telling-off. Dad’s sympathy and encouragement went pale in front of bro’s scolding. I again realized, I’M FOR NO GOOD.
Yes, I suck. I’m for nothing. No more ‘boring’, ‘ugly’, ‘clumsy’ and ‘bad-looking’ in the world. World is not for them.