Yesterday night, Light came earlier than expected; at 9:30 pm; not according to the usual load-shedding schedule. Whatever…I woke up; having been victim of insomnia for months after the calamity; the calamity which ruined my life further, my study got stuck in dismay and most importantly made me lose a woman I love the most. Went to the bathroom….then again sat in front of my old workstation. After few minutes, Windows 2000 starts; but Internet line was dead. What to do next? I’ve downloaded e-book version of ‘The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer – My Life At Rose Red‘ some days ago, thinking if I could get some help from reading. I somehow managed to go through it. Some 43 pages are read out of those 268 till yet. It’s about a diary of a wife of a billionaire John Rimbauer, who(the woman) suffered within the walls of a haunted castle. Though, I’m yet to enter into the real thrill of the diary. I again felt, understanding English literature (the editor Joyce Reardon has slightly given the diary a literature taste) is just out of my capacity. However, I’m crawling with the leaves of the virtual diary.
I could not go beyond 5 pages (She has hypnotized me which always makes my heart go heavy, every moment; makes me almost cry). I close Adobe Reader 8. What to do next?
I open Jet Audio 7, my favourite media player and start listening to Akon‘s Freedom album; One of my favourite albums, artists, too. Akon’s ‘Right Now‘ video reads these lines: ”When you have everything? What could you possibly desire? The one you loved the most.”
I had everything; when she was with me. I was happy. I never lust after the meeting but tragically it turned out to be a disaster. It’s all because of me, my clumsiness and hideousness. I’m culprit, for I could not live up to her expectations, could not address her wants. I’m a culprit forever.
Bye Dear Diary, see you very soon. Good Morning! (It’s 12:48 am)