Monthly Archives: November 2009

अब चोटहरुले पिरोल्दैन मलाई

मैले काठमाण्डौं जानुपर्छ अब, जागिर खोज्न । पढाई नसकिए पनि पढ्दै र जागिर खाँदै गर्नु पर्छ भन्ने परिवारको मत छ । यहाँ पोखरामा शायदै पाईएला, आखिर काठमाण्डौं राजधानी हो र त्यहाँ अनेक अवसर र मौकाहरुको यहाँ झैं कमी नहोला । औसतको जागिर खोज्न मैले सँभवत: त्यति ठूलो सँघर्ष गर्नु नपर्ला;   झन् ईन्जिनियरिङ्गको सर्टिफिकेट हातमा आईसकेपछि त  कुरा नै अर्कै होला । तर काठमाडौं भन्ने बित्तिकै मलाई नरमाईलो अनुभव हुन्छ, त्यो शहरदेखि  म तर्सन्छु । पछिल्लोपटकको भ्रमणमा मलाई त्यो शहरले स्वागत गरेझैं लागेन बरु मेरो बिदाईसँगै वेदनाको अपार पोको पो ‘सम्झनाको चिनोस्वरुप’ पठाएछ, जुन यहाँ आईसकेपछि मात्र थाहा भयो । काठमाडौं  मेरोलागि वास्तवमै क्रुर सावित भयो, जसले जीवनप्रतिको मेरो आधारभुत दृष्टिकोणमै परिवर्तन गराईदियो अनि म आँफुलाई एक अक्षम, कुरुप, कुनै पनि प्रकारको सौन्दर्यविहिन र लाछीको रुपमा पाउन थालें । अँह मैले केही गर्न सकिनँ, प्रकृतिको त्यो क्रुर नियतिलाई विवश सहनुबाहेक । केही गर्नै सकिनँ । म यति अक्षम बनाईएँ कि  मैले आँफुले गर्न खोजेको सामान्यतिसामान्य काम पनि अधुरै रहे । मैले वास्तवमै कसैलाई प्रेम गरें , जीवनमा नितान्त पहिलो पल्ट र शायद अन्तिम पनि । र, मेरो प्रेमको यति दु:खद र पीडादायक  अन्त्य होला भनेर मैले सोचेको थिईनँ किनकि यस्तो अवस्था सहन गर्न सक्ने मुटु मसँग थिएन, तर….म विवश बनाईएँ, अनि नचाहँदा नचाहँदै र नसक्दा नसक्दै पनि त्यो नियतिलाई बोकेर घिसारिईरहें, लतारिईरहें ।

मर्नु सामान्य काम थिएन यद्दपि मैले यसबारेमा नसोचेको होईन । तर, मेरो मृत्युमा म मात्र होईन मेरो सम्पुर्ण परिवार गाँसिएको छ र म फगत आफ्नो स्वार्थको लागि सम्पुर्ण पारिवारिक मर्यादा र सुख, खुशीलाई तिलान्जली दिन चाहन्नथें ।  म सबभन्दा बढी मेरी आमाको सपनाहरुबाट थिचिएको छु । बाबाले ममाथि गर्नुभएको लाखौं रुपियाँको लगानीमाथि मैले न्याय गर्नै पर्छ । तर……म के गर्न सक्छु ? म आँफैलाई यति अक्षम लाग्छ कि म अचेल मान्छेहरु सँग खुलेर कुरा गर्न पनि सक्दिनँ । अलि अलि भएको आत्मविश्वास पनि अब बाँकी छैन ।  शायद कसैलाई ऊ आँफैले मात्र बुझेर नहुने रहेछ, अरुले पनि उसलाई बुझ्न सक्नु अनिवार्य रहेछ । मेरो हकमा, म आँफुले आँफैलाई बुझें तर अरु कसैले मलाई बुझ्न सकेन, अलिकति पनि । शायद मेरो यो अवस्थाको उत्तर यहींनिर खोज्न सकिएला । कस्तो बिडम्बना ! मेरो प्रेमले मलाई नै चिन्न सकेन ।  के म कसैले बुझ्नै नसक्ने अवस्थामा आईपुगेको हुँ ? के संसारमा म मात्र त्यस्तो मान्छे हुँ जसलाई ऊ आँफै बाहेक अरु कसैले बुझ्न सक्दैन ? जीवन एक्लैलै जीउने होईन, यो त अनेकौं अरु जीवनहरुका विविध आयामहरुसँग गाँसिएको हुने रहेछ ।

के मैले मेरो हराएको प्रेम फेरि पाउनेछु ? असम्भव भन्ने कुरा छैन भन्ने मान्ने हो भने मेरो हराएको प्रेमको पुनरागमनको अत्यन्त झिनो आशा र मेरा प्यारा बाबा-आमाको उम्मीद पुरा गर्न सक्छु कि भन्ने कल्पनाको मसिनो त्यान्द्रोमा म आजसम्म झुण्डिरहेको छु तर थाहा छैन कहिले यो चुँड्नेछ किनकि प्रेमको वियोगमा अविरल झैं बगिरहेका आँसुले त्यान्द्रो भिज्दै छ, गल्दै छ ।

[अब चोटहरुले पिरोल्दैन मलाई गहिरो घाउ छात्तीमै छ……..हो, म बाँचेर पनि मरेतुल्य छु । म खराब थिईनँ, कहिल्यै थिईनँ तर पनि असल मान्छे बन्न सकिनँ । म भक्कानो छोडेर रुन मात्र सक्दिनँ । सपनाहरु सबै बिरानो भए । म वास्तवमै टुक्रिएको छु, शायद कहिल्यै जोडिन नसकिने गरी । के गरुँ म ? कहाँ जाउँ ? कहाँ ? दिन-रात म यो थिलथिलो मुटु लिएर बाँच्न पटक्कै चाहन्नँ, सक्दिनँ ।]

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2012

 

2012 is going to be disastrous? Will it really witness a doomsday as it is being predicted? Mayan calender is going to end that year. I’m yet to watch ‘2012’, a Hollywood blockbuster released on 13th November but Joshua Keating’s analysis The End Of The World (on foreignpolicy.com) is great to go through. What I love most about his analysis is we ourselves are making the world more insecure and prone to the apocalypse every next day. Climate change, more organized terrorism, environmental pollutions etc. no doubt could be proved lethal to entire mankind which eventually bring a real apocalypse. Moreover, every things and beings under the sun must end for something new to happen; Marxist view.

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My Blue Mate

Before I decided on Yamaha Gladiator SS, some were suggesting me to buy Fz or R15, both from Yamaha. I don’t like Fz and R15 was more expensive. So, I ‘compromised’ on blue Gladiator SS. And, Yamaha has always been my fave for two-wheeler.

A Great Job

She has decided to donate her eyes posthumously. It’s really great. She’s really taken a great initiative towards social service and welfare. My affection (along with respect) to her is deepening further with her latest foray into this social work. Ni, whatever you think as to me, you’re always very very special to me and I know you’ve been my sole inspiration. Now, I’m even more proud of you. Hail You!!!

I’ve Got My Money, Let’s Spend It Up!

Dad wanted to take a photo of us from a good cameraman. He took us to Mahendrapool and we spent thousands for a framed portrait. Besides this, we spent considerable amount of money for other shopping. Now, I think that we ‘spent’ money, not used. And, It was not really wise.

On My Knees, Pleading…

 

I always wait you at night. Come online pls. I already missed you much to my almost death, and now I can’t any more. I just can’t. It’s excruciating. Listen to the sound of my inside. I might be wrong in my words, but my inside could never be. It could never. It wants you, I want you…..All those fights, arguments, discussions, anger, sulkiness were for love’s sake, you know. I know, there’s not even a moment I don’t remember you…

Pls come and talk to me..only you could heal me, no any other things/beings in the world. No any other, I hate them..I hate them…I hate…*tears*

Who’s SHE?


Who actually is she who I’ve been referring to ‘She’ (and sometimes ‘Ni’) in the entries of my diary?

I’m not unraveling any mystery. It’s straight, She’s my love.

Once you get hooked into it, you simply can’t escape. Love fades? I don’t think….So much of begging, cries, distraught, pains, fights and arguments : all for love’s sake. Dunno, how much ‘assistance’ they have contributed (to me for my love’s sake) but I know I’m always in pain. 

Over these tumultuous years, I know my love (for her) is only deepening (even in absence of good communication).

For those who are for carnal love, this might seem to be strange. I KNOW I BOAST MY LOVE.

Sullied Miss Nepal

 

Nearly a year ago, She had added an entry about Miss Nepal competition expressing her view, which was all but moderate to so called beauty pageant of only such kind in Nepal. Actually, She’s in favour of it, and It was only sometimes later I somewhat convinced her of the bad aspects of the contest.

It in fact is a dirty competition. It’s too evident. Recently declared Miss Nepal Zenisha Moktan was once notoriously in the spotlight because of her sex video and other porn-related activities. Nearly a decade ago, Kalpana Kunwar, the then contestant of the pageant had said she didn’t win the crown because she refused to go nude in front of ‘Jury’ in an enclosed room. She was widely anticipated as the possible winner of the competition.

That could be her exaggeration to express her wrath and anger on the organisers for her defeat, but that indicates something dirty is going on with the much hyped beauty pageant nevertheless. We can’t deny the fact of sexual exploitation of the contestants. Moreover, all of such participants and winners are either from modelling or other glamour-related fields (and we know these fields’ standard in Nepal well!) and not  single one is from academic and intellectual field.

 After being ‘crowned’, they ‘vow’ to work for nation. They drive  some handful of drooling guys crazy; that’s what all they could do ‘for nation’.

संहार रोक

 
धर्मको नाममा गढीमाई मेलामा हजारौं निर्दोष र निरपराध पशु-पंक्षीको बली दिने कार्य रोक  अबोध पशुको रगतको खोलो बगाएर धर्म कदापि हुँदैन बरु हिंसाको श्राप लाग्ला यो अत्यन्त अमानवीय कार्य जुनकुनै हालतमा रोकिनुपर्छ  यो निकृष्ट दानवीय प्रथालाई सँधैको लागि हटाऔं  संसार सबैको हो; के मानव, के पशु, शान्तिपुर्ण वातावरणमा बाँच्न सबैले पाउनुपर्छ 
 
यो दानवीय र दर्दनाक संहार रोक 
 
रोक यो विभत्स हिंसा बन्द गर यो अमानवीय कर्तुत
 
बन्द गर यो  रोक  रोक यो हिंस्रक कृत्य
 

The Big Apple

 

New York, a dream city of everyone in the world. And, Jay-Z in his latest single raps for the big apple with Alicia Keys : Empire State Of Mind. Why he didn’t take his own Beyonce for the chorus? 

Fabolous ft. The Dream-Throw It In The Bag is also great.

French DJ David Guetta’s  ‘Sexy B***h’ (by Akon) is now termed as ‘Sexy Chick’.

……………..

Stupid Assessment

Forbes has just published a list of most powerful persons in the planet. Barack Obama has topped the rank, Hu Jintao in second and so on..But one thing I find funny is their judgment about Obama. Like this one : Commander-in-chief of planet’s richest, deadliest military. Really? But that ”deadliest military’ is yet to overpower nascent force of Taliban for so many years! And another one : Finger on button of nuclear arsenal containing more than 5,000 warheads. Really? He is gonna press it? Yet, Russia might outnumbers America in nuke warheads.

Anyway, there are some quite interesting assessments on the people of the list. Check them on forbes.com.