Why I Can’t Sleep

Why I can’t sleep? I get exhausted. I feel listless, clapped out. Can’t sit longer on couch. Eyes turn bleary. I then lie flat on the bed….but….I can’t sleep. Eyes become red but sleep remains elusive. I know, I rarely get enough sleep, needed for an adult. My food behaviour has also changed. Even a strong glass/cup of latte or milk-tea can alone act as my ‘lunch’. I wonder, my family too that when do I get back things normal so I could stop being ”scrawny”. What can I do? I’m just weary of seeking in vain advices, suggestions and solace. Some of my friends even suggested me to ‘seek solace in the bottle’. They’re referring to booze. So, no more of them. Let things go the way they are. I want no developments.

Maoists had no other way but to back off from their stance and reconcile with criminal NC and UML. The worst thing is, Maoists are sort of ‘abusing’ people’s belief (on them). No more lies. They must confess to people that they can’t shun this parliamentary system and that the ‘revolution’ is not possible from them. But, it would be more than a ‘revolution’ if  Prachanda can become Dr. Mahathir Mohammad of Nepal (because it’s sure Maoists will dominate Nepali politics for years to come).

I think, polarization in communist circle is developing on in three different ideologies. UML represents those who by name are communists but actually not. Counter-revolutionary ideas dwell in this group. Maoists have turned revisionists but has revolutionary spirit alive to some extent. And, there’s a true revolutionary thoughts which Matrika Yadav, Mani Thapa etc. are championing.

Comparatively, Maoists represent a large and potent portion. UML is only a few distance away to remove ”communist” from it’s name. So, ultimately, there would be only two main streams: Maoists and the one represented by Matrika Yadav, Mani Thapa etc. Maoists have power but lack revolutionary ideas (esp. after their foray into parliamentary system) whereas Matrika Yadav, Mani Thapa-led factions are highly revolutionary but lack mass support. The friction between these two ultimate principles will dominate the communist movement in years to come.

Exams are going on. I’ve some papers left unfinished from 7th semester, Design of R.C.C. etc. and also some practical ones, too. I’m all but destroyed since the apocalypse but am attending them. Exams were previously postponed for several times.

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