Monthly Archives: June 2010

Atonement for Misbehaviour

Ni, I’m deeply sorry for my harsh and cut-throat manner I inadvertently showed in our last meeting. I was so down as it’d been weeks you’re not seen around and I just couldn’t rein things in and they got exceeded. I exuded that hellish jealousy through that unkind manner. 

I’m sorry Ni. Hope, you yet again forgive me and make it up.  Because, I love you.

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Alleged Cynical Loner

It’s been teeming down every night for more than a week. Rainy season has already made its presence in Pokhara, it seems, though other parts of the country are still under acute drought. Peasants have yet to plant rice in their fields.

In today’s dirty rat race, platonic feelings is being laughed off and is no more than ‘once upon a time-esque’ fantastic folklore. People live for moments, for fun. They hardly live for real cause. And, carnal feelings overpowers platonic one when it’s about fun, when it’s about living momentarily, when it’s about living hedonistic way. These days, body — not soul — inspires feelings. Ethos are degrading and man is getting more bestial every next day.

People are largely short of their morality and thus they have no qualms for their wrongdoings. They’re not sincere.

I was so gullible to believe people. After being in the torment I was forced to remain for so long time, now, I conclude, I only am good. All others are bad.

This is not cynicism. It’s a truth. An outright truth. Truth, I felt. The truth, that works for me.

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…and finally I added ‘be sweet and simple‘ on the masthead of this blog. You know, I’m so addicted to this line once she used to use as her motto. To put it simple: I get delighted at it’s sight. It’s so beautiful. Magic of this quartet of four beautifully composed words is so grand and arresting (to me).

I also made a slight change to the title of this blog. The title has become thicker, less brighter (consistent with the drab page) and I thought ‘Backstreetboy’ looks classier than previous ‘backstreetBoy’.

To look ‘green’, I replaced previous light orange headers with green. And, also changed were the border lines. They’re entirely eliminated.

About the display picture, I know I’m with undone chops and while some of my friends loved it, the rests think I look ”over-aged” with that outgrown stubble.

Shameful India and the Worst Cup 2010

To put it plain: There are no good eleven men in the ocean of more than one billion in India. Is it not a thing of shame? Not only in football, India is no good in other sports, too. Despite having such enormous size of population, India is far from even winning a single major tournament in international sports, let alone the participation at World Cup finals. India’s shame is quite evident in Olympic games. Where China, also an Asian country, has emerged as a sports superpower, India is still struggling for a single gold medal in the Olympics.

Cricket is an exception for India but Cricket itself lacks a worldwide appeal. It’s played only in England and handful of its former colonies. And, that’s also marred by widespread corruption and scandals. Cricket has been a good means of corruption for officials in India.

While Asian underdogs such as: N. Korea etc. make it to the World Cup finals, India, being touted as a rising world power, is still years (decades?) away from scraping through the qualifying rounds. As almost all world powers, such as: US, England, Brazil, France, Germany, Mexico, Italy and even China make it to the World Cup, India is the only power nowhere to be seen among the assemblage. What other things could be more humiliating and ignominious than this for India?

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This World Cup is actually being ‘Worst Cup’ for me, also because of the crap Avenues and Media Hub. Moreover, I’m just so devastated (after the apocalypse) and have no such fervour as in the last Cup and not in state to revel in. I was so gullible to believe people, I rue.

The last Cup was a real fun. It’s so memorable. We’d formed a clique to revel in the biggest event on the earth of Bishwo, Mohan, Sharu, Shanti, Ram etc. and myself and it’s so fun. I had lost a bet of a thousand I made upon England against Portugal to Bishwo. I miss that clique so much at this Cup and wish I were in mood to revel in.

My sister Mira is a huge fan of Italy and Spain at the World Cups. Italy is already eliminated and her hope now rests on Spain. As for me, well, I’m siding with Asians and Africans. Elimination of fave France was an ignominious incident.

My bro Dinesh is already rooting for English lineup.

You know, I see Uruguay as a possible contender for the final. It wouldn’t be surprising if Uruguay, the two time Cup holders, win, but for it, they need to play with the same enthusiasm and form they showed in their group matches. Chileans are also a good squad.

Heinous Show of Infidelity

I was so shocked as I was told one of our close neighbours had long been having sexual relationship with a man, another neighbour. Mother of two, the woman, it’s said, was involved in a fleshly relationship with the man since her early days after the marriage, some 16/17 years ago. A tall and willowy figure, she used to be deemed as a good woman for her relentless enthusiasm for works, and hard-working, honest, direct manner. We’re having sort of cordial relation since my father had appointed her husband, an elfin, callow man, as his assistant in his office and that had helped them rise above their economic constraints. Given my father’s help and mentoring, they’re always in debt to my dad.

But, things were just veiled, we never knew. The woman proved to be a filthy old bag as her long-hidden sordid activities got unraveled just few days ago. They were spotted red handed by the man’s wife. Later, the man disclosed things at a local police station and they both held their hands up to their depraved acts, much to the shock of surrounding people.

The woman’s husband was really down, woeful of the betrayal and he even attempted a suicide. A beautiful family now seems ruined. What he might have felt when he found his beloved and trusted wife was just cheating on him for so long…

Could this ever happen? Man, I can’t even assume.

What those innocent children might have thought that their mother had been sleeping with someone else, not with their father? Man, this is not expected to happen even in worst nightmare and stupidest imagination. But, one thing is sure: Implications they’re gonna suffer because of this nightmare will have long-term adverse effects on them.

They are appearing for SLC next year.

Ashamed and disgraced woman is now nowhere to be seen. The man has fled and had previously acted as though he’s not guilty for their gaffe. Actually, in our patriarchal society, men are often exempted and only women are considered guilty for such dirty relationship. The man has his family of a beautiful wife and three daughters. His wife has often deemed as one of the beautiful women in her area.

Why they two ‘had to’ have such abhorrent relationship? Were they both sexually not satisfied with their spouses? I know, the woman’s husband is short and elfin sized, much smaller than his wife’s figure. But, I really don’t think he couldn’t bliss his wife out in bedroom.

Wrong-minded, immoral people are always supposed to remain so. Sex is wild and the desire of it bestial. It only drives people towards immoralities. Sex has enslaved men since the existence of humanity.

They’re abominations and deserve only contempt. My respect for those two has now changed into extreme hatred.

Man, I would have ‘rewarded’ them for their gross infidelity by cleaving their skulls  if they’re my spouse.

Added Scourge

I had suddenly transformed into a bizarre figure, the figure drenched in dazzling white. I was glaring. My family members were floored and were in awe. I was truly myself from my inside, but my figure was something that was never ever seen before. My family feared me. I myself couldn’t stand my eerie transformation and ran amok. It’s nighttime and there’s pitch black but I was so dazzlingly lit that my surrounding was ablaze as in sunny day. What the heck was going on with me?

I ran amok. Was crying. My mother tried in vain to hold me . I broke down for my fate and was running helter-skelter. My fate was shattered. What I had become, I knew not, for I was fearful of my own figure. I wanted to hide and remain alone. I bolted helter-skelter down the precipice in fear as if as a fugitive. I know not whether I was followed by people, but my mother was after me and calling me to stop. I collide against vegetation, trip up for many times. My clothes get ripped into shreds and body covered with bloody scratches. So piteous scene it was as I recount it now. I keep denying my mom’s calling and make my way down the hill to a city broadway.

My mom was still after me, calling me to halt.  But I was not to listen. I wanted to hide, hide forever. To suffer my fate. To carry my fate upon myself.

Her voice peters out as I outpace her and she slowly disappears from my sight in the crowd.

I keep running. Later, I found, my mother wasn’t the only one who’s after me. Other people and police personnel also were bearing down on me. After running for some minutes in the broadway, I then hole up in a dark corner of a movie theatre, shivering. I hear the buzz of people and police personnel outside.

Where I ended up and why? What’s that ‘transformation’ for? Why is it so enigmatic? Why is it so dreadful? I remember my family, my mother, my fate and burst into tears…

Woke next morning with headache and heart heavier.

Freakishly eerie dreams are an added scourge to my already f**ked up life.

There’s a corny cliche: You find yourself in crowd to share your happiness, but when you in tears, your own shadow deserts you. Perhaps, I’m abandoned by my own ones, self and shadow, but there’s still someone who tries helping me wipe up the tears. Yes, it’s Dear Diary.

F*** Avenues

F**k Avenues. F**k Rajkarnikar. We’re better off without your crappy distorted, loused up transmission.

Guys, let’s get rid of this crap. I’m gonna install an aerial to watch the Cup on Nepal Television.

F**K Avenues TV. F**K Rajkarnikar. F**K Media Hub.

F*** You Rajkarnikar

Hugo Chavez thinks there could form another ”European Union” in Latin American soil in a future not so distant. In BBC World News’ ‘HARDtalk‘, he expressed his hope and also confidence for a single Latin American forum, same as or even stronger than EU. I love one of his replies about the difficulties of forming such institution. Upon being asked whether it’s possible to initiate such union, given the wide political disagreements and divides among the countries, Chavez was quick to remind Stephen, the interviewer, of the past animosities between European countries before advancing for EU. Could he spearhead such initiation in his tenure? And, the socialist president was hopeful to be re-elected in 2012 for third term.

You know, we’d have been better off without Bhaskar Raj Rajkarnikar‘s shitty TV at least in this World Cup. Vertically stretched video of live World Cup broadcast has ruined my Cup viewing experience and excitement. It seems, the signal is actually transmitted in 16:9 aspect ratio and Avenues TV just changes it to 4:3 to fit the TV screen (by vertically stretching the video). It sucks. Viewers like me will end up sniffing at Avenues for this botched transmission.

Sadly, there are no other TVs that transmit World Cup live. Avenues is the only one in cable televisions. ESPN broadcasts the Cup live but it has disappeared since Avenues was granted a sole right for the transmission. Nepal Television is also transmitting the live broadcast of the Cup, but in terrestrial format. And, I don’t have an aerial that receives clean pictures from the terrestrial broadcast of NTV. NTV’s transmission is quite good, with no such distortion as of Avenues.

Man, I don’t know why the cable operator blocks NTV & NTV 2 when Avenues airs the live. Has Rajkarnikar (who also happens to be a first vice-president of FNCCI) bribed the cable operators to block NTV  in order to feed his crummy Avenues an outright monopoly? This sucks. Down with Rajkarnikar and Avenues.

NTV used to be the sole live broadcaster of World Cup. But, mushrooming of private TV channels has now snatched the monopoly of the oldest TV in Nepal.

This World Cup is really going bad this time, just because of bodged Avenues transmission.