I ran amok. Was crying. My mother tried in vain to hold me . I broke down for my fate and was running helter-skelter. My fate was shattered. What I had become, I knew not, for I was fearful of my own figure. I wanted to hide and remain alone. I bolted helter-skelter down the precipice in fear as if as a fugitive. I know not whether I was followed by people, but my mother was after me and calling me to stop. I collide against vegetation, trip up for many times. My clothes get ripped into shreds and body covered with bloody scratches. So piteous scene it was as I recount it now. I keep denying my mom’s calling and make my way down the hill to a city broadway.
My mom was still after me, calling me to halt. But I was not to listen. I wanted to hide, hide forever. To suffer my fate. To carry my fate upon myself.
Her voice peters out as I outpace her and she slowly disappears from my sight in the crowd.
I keep running. Later, I found, my mother wasn’t the only one who’s after me. Other people and police personnel also were bearing down on me. After running for some minutes in the broadway, I then hole up in a dark corner of a movie theatre, shivering. I hear the buzz of people and police personnel outside.
Where I ended up and why? What’s that ‘transformation’ for? Why is it so enigmatic? Why is it so dreadful? I remember my family, my mother, my fate and burst into tears…
Woke next morning with headache and heart heavier.
Freakishly eerie dreams are an added scourge to my already f**ked up life.
There’s a corny cliche: You find yourself in crowd to share your happiness, but when you in tears, your own shadow deserts you. Perhaps, I’m abandoned by my own ones, self and shadow, but there’s still someone who tries helping me wipe up the tears. Yes, it’s Dear Diary.