Category Archives: Uncategorized

Midlife Crisis

I’m in my early 40s now. A middle-aged man. And, I’m beginning to feel the symptoms of what we call the ‘midlife crisis’.

My feeling of sometimes being alone adds to the crisis. My wife — supposed to be my other half — is distant and cold. In some of my lowest moments, she’s nowhere near to share my feelings.

My only child. She’s the love of my life. However, somewhere I feel I’m missing, to some extent, from her upbringing. I try to pay regular visits to her and make her feel that her dad is an important part of her growing up. She’s too young to notice my role in her upbringing. But, I’ve a growing feeling — it may be my apprehension only — whether I will miss being an important agent in her socialisation in her formative years of growing and learning.

Apprehensions aside, the pressure to earn money, actually more money, is making its presence felt more and more. The more money you have, the more love you get — this has become a maxim in today’s world. I’m not biding my time to get ‘rich’, nor am I making any ‘extraordinary’ efforts to feather my nest.

It’s been nearly two years since grandma passed. I miss her greatly.

Planning to pay a visit to my parents on the eve of new year 2081 celebration. I feel like a child in their bosom whenever I get their calls and asked about my howabout. Are you as fortunate as me?

Happy New Year 2081.

Jobless

It’s been nearly a month since I lost my job. Looking for new but it’s not really easy to get a decent one. I’m feeling downcast and tired.

Been thinking about writing of the passing of my grandma; it’s been a long overdue. May write someday. I’ve to pay my eulogy to the great woman that I have learned so many things from.

Being bereft

Grandma is no more now. She passed away at around 2 this afternoon with family members by her side.

One of my biggest fears came true. I’d been trying to shrug it off only to get face to face with it eventually.

I’ve mentioned in my earlier post that I’d a premonition whether I could see my grandmother again during my last visit to her.

That premonition which I didn’t want to believe would materialize in this way; I’m struggling to come to terms with everything that’s happened since.

And, words fail me to describe how much bereft I feel after her passing away. I may not have known how precious you were when you were alive. When you’re gone, I feel utterly bereft, overcome with guilt; the lingering guilt of not able to cherish and celebrate your life when you’re alive.

Goodbye grandma. May your soul rest in eternal peace.

Thrilled!

How you feel when someone great or better say a legend gives you a little of their attention? Can you imagine how much I was thrilled to get this response from one of the greats?

Fed’s response to my comment on Twitter on 13/07/2021.

Heartbroken

Heartbroken to see Roger Federer lose Wimbledon 2021 Quarterfinals in straight sets with bagel.

How I grew up reading news and headlines (I didn’t have access to TV to watch him play in those days) about his extraordinary feats in tennis. How his name became so deeply entrenched in my child and teenage memory. How I came to love his cool, calm and composed demeanor both during wins and losses (when I had access to TV to watch him play now).

It’s around midnight and tonight is so painful. Maybe it’s time for him to hang up his rackets to avoid further embarrassment at the hands of the young and also to protect his glorious legacy.

Standing out against Lockdown

The latest extension of lockdown until May 7 is more of a political game than a concern to public health. In the veil of lockdown, power grabbing, corruption and political machinations are going on unchecked. The recent abduction case of Surendra Yadav speaks volume of  this. There’s a wide and broad highway to profiteering and fear-mongering being built. KP Oli has successfully averted an insurmountable challenge to his ‘throne’ with this continual extension of lockdown.

It’s time we stood out against this sickening lockdown.

Goodbye Grandpa: An Obituary

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Photo of Grandpa from last year

My grandfather breathed his last at the age of 91 on 5th June, 2019 (Jestha 22, 2076 BS) at around 12:30 am surrounded by his family at his residence in Deurali, Gorkha. The nonagenarian may have been a relic from the past that had little or no relevance in today’s time for many, but he was of overwhelming significance to a few of us. I would constantly look at him and would try to find my position and search for my own relevance in the multitudes. He stood very tall with his great age and never-waning sprightliness. Most of all, he inspired me with his great age and his unrelenting activity.

I would proudly talk about my grandparents whenever I had an opportunity to do so. I’m in my late 30s and at this stage of life, having grandparents is something you really covet or are proud of. When he passed away, I remembered the moments many years back when I was just a schoolboy.

Most of his years he lived as a farmer and had maintained a nice orange orchard. Livestock like buffalo and bullocks were kept for dairy and farming purposes. We had to cross a river many times in different places while visiting his hamlet in the mountain of Buckrong. In the monsoon it was all but impossible for us kids to ford the swelled-up river. Even our mother couldn’t dare to take chances. It was Grandpa who would despite his short stature brace himself for the challenge: He would carry us on his shoulder or back one by one and ford the roaring river. I still feel the quiver in his legs while he carried us across the flooded river. His legs withstood the mighty currents of the flood like a dyke stands against the lacerating tides. When he reached the other side, it would be far belower than from where he’d started.

The other unforgettable thing about my Grandpa is his relentless activity. He was unusually a sprightly man till a few days before his last breath. From the time he came to live with us, I came to know even more about him. It’s been around seven years since he left his hamlet in the mountain then his town on the road to Gorkha bazaar for living with us. Ever since his arrival, I was at the same time both shocked and impressed by his activity. He came to be a great assistant to my mother in her housework drudgery.  From working in backyard garden to paddy fields to tending to livestock to sanitizing the surrounding, he shocked people with his untiring activity.

People might say he has passed away at a ripe old age causing no trouble and hardship to family members. He was bed-ridden for only a few days in hospital. He died peacefully surrounded by his family. In a sense, his death might be coveted by those waiting for their last breath.

I, however, feel differently. Somewhere I feel the roof is gone and we’re exposed to the temptations of indolence and self-gratification. We’re mired in the decadence of urban life and are slowly leaving behind the values that kept my grandfather going till his last moment.

The inspiration might have been gone from its tangible form. However, his perpetual presence in our hearts and minds will at least keep guiding us on our way to future. Losing him is certainly a great shock. Nonetheless, I’m somewhat consoled by the fact that we still have our saintly grandmother with us.

May his departed soul rest in eternal peace.

WHY I DON’T SEE MANY NECKTIE-WEARING NEPALESE

Rarity of Wearing Tie in Our Society

men wearing suit and tie

In many occasions I’ve been confronted with a question: so you must be some Christian or Jewish preacher or some high-level employee elsewhere; are you? Their inquisitiveness springs from the fact of my being suave and neatly dressed in suit and necktie on most of my workdays. It’s quite a bit of an unfamiliar sight of a man in tuxedo walking on his feet or using a public vehicle.

Sometimes it feels suit topped off with necktie is reserved only for special occasions like formal parties, private school and college students and a handful of high-level executives such as those in banks. Other ordinary folks who try to maintain their appearance neat and suave with necktie don’t easily attract no-strings-attached endorsement from the public.

Why?

What you say about Former Iranian President Muhammad Ahmadinejad who never wore tie during his time in office? Was he right to portray necktie as a symbol of western imperialism? And, it would not be very wise to think rarity of necktie in our society is because we are the huge fans of Mr Ahmadinejad.

Western culture has long dominated our lifestyle. We find ourselves more modern and at higher level of civilization upon the replication of western ideas, values and tradition in our daily businesses. In a sense western culture has become a model to all to follow or replicate. But, we’ve failed to mimic some important aspects of the western culture like their industry, refinement, suit-wearing tradition (in daily businesses) to name a few. Deliberately or inadvertently, I’m not sure but our failure to mimic these essential western characters has certainly made a big dent in our overall replication.

Let’s get back to our discussion (of necktie). Why has necktie (coupled with suit) seemingly been confined within the realm of the well-heeled and white-collared? Even not all high-level executives go for wearing necktie. Last time I wrote an article for my blog. I talked about cars and SUVs being a target of vandalism in times of strikes and violent political movements. Even today cars represent the rich and powerful in our society and most of the vandals or political dissenters/protestors are from the lower class. Cars then fall easy victim to the dissidence of the protestors. So can we draw some parallel between cars and neckties as regards their exclusivity to the upper class?

Christian preachers have tried to some degrees to commonize the wearing of suit and tie. I admire their display of suit (and tie) because they wear it to look neater and more attractive as God has willed his people to be neater like him. But, I’m not implying one can’t be neater in other dresses. On the other hand, private school and college students do wear necktie but their wearing (of tie) is rather under a sort of enforcement by their institutions, not out of their free will. And, I don’t think Nepalese do regard necktie, even remotely, as a symbol of servitude hanging around a neck of a man like the manacles from the bygone slavery era.

And, for special once-or-twice-in-a-year occasions like wedding parties, necktie coupled with suit has become a sort of dress code. But this too is not done spontaneously and out of free will. People fear if they don’t throw on suit and necktie on such occasions, they will risk attracting undue attention from the rest. It’s because of this fear I see so many people attending parties without correct knot, tightening and proper selection of color and design of necktie and corresponding outfit. And, with this they make no less than a clown of themselves! It’s better not to wear at all than to wear it incorrectly and incongruously.

Our society is relatively primitive also in terms of dressing. Our traditional dresses like Daura Suruwal, Sari, Kachhad, etc. lack polished features like the use of buttons, complex stitching, folds, zippers, etc. In order to use these features one needs to have advanced level of industry and machinery and craftsmanship which our ancestors lacked. In contrast, western societies long ago rid themselves of Greek-era tunic or garb and began making clothes with complex features like the buttons, zippers, etc. as their industrial prowess and craftsmanship progressed concurrently. And, the result is suit and necktie along with other complex clothing items like trousers, jackets and so forth.

To put it short, our way of life and thinking are still very simple and our lifestyle doesn’t quite match with wearing elegant suit and tie as it demands a relatively higher level of sophistication (in thinking, doing, etc.). This means we still have to traverse a long way before we feel comfortable enough to make this common western attire a commonplace here.

ANSWER TO MY CURIOSITY: STEPHEN W. HAWKING

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            [8 January 1942 – 14 March 2018]

How this wheelchair-bound Englishman came to impact my view of the cosmos, God and other seemingly inexplicable cosmic phenomena may not be a thing of interest or inquisition if you’ve read or listened to some of his lectures on cosmology and physical science. ‘A Brief History of Time’ is more than enough (a glut?).

I always found myself a curious child before him. I think I first learned about this English physicist in my mid-teen through a magazine (must be a monthly one). But it was not until I read his seminal yet popular ‘A Brief History of Time’ some years back did I begin to develop serious interest over cosmology. I was never a science student nor a man of science; yet Hawking provided me with his ground-breaking ideas about God and cosmology a safe refuge whenever I was tortured with the ever-lasting curiosity of the origin, development and the ultimate fate of the universe.

I have deep respect for major religious scriptures of the world. They are a beautiful guide to understanding the God to some extent if not in entirety. And there was this scientist who gave me an option whenever I couldn’t slake my raging thirst (of curiosity) only with the help of the scriptures and (with) my own reasoning. It’s like a child running to its parents for safety when it feels it is under threat. My curiosity poses a threat to me and I rush to Mr Hawking for refuge.

I conclude with a statement from him: “If we find the answer to the question why the universe exists, it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason – for then we would know the mind of God”

Some famous quotes of Mr Hawking:
On black holes:
Einstein was wrong when he said, ‘God does not play dice’. Consideration of black holes suggests, not only that God does play dice, but that he sometimes confuses us by throwing them where they can’t be seen” 

 

On God:

It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going” 

On humanity…

“We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special” 

On space colonies…

“I don’t think the human race will survive the next 1,000 years, unless we spread into space. There are too many accidents that can befall life on a single planet. But I’m an optimist. We will reach out to the stars”

On death:
“I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I’m not afraid of death, but I’m in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first”.

 

On the end of the universe…

“It will take about a thousand million million million million years for the Earth to run into the sun, so there’s no immediate cause for worry!”

[Quotations copied from theguardian.com and bbc.co.uk. Obituary written by U. Khanāl]

How Muhammad has put Buddha and Jesus in the Shade

With this remark: ‘The ink of a scholar is holier than the blood of a martyr. The man reading is handsome in the side of God. So learn to read and after you’ve learned, teach.’

I chanced upon this remark upon the viewing of 1976 historical epic ‘The Message’ from the director Moustapha Akkad just a while back.